By Leah Binkovitz
The Oscars weren’t in danger of losing too many viewers to the NBA All-Star Game, which is its own brand of overblown lame, but it still wasn’t a great showing for the awards show or the fashion.
After the Grammys had such high viewership this month with 39 million viewers, pressure was on for the Oscars to deliver the glamour we crave. Some of the appeal of Best Picture-winner The Artist must be its nostalgic appeal to grander days. But grander days are far away. Host Billy Crystal only seems to have succeeded in entertaining Justin Bieber. And the clothes, well we were less than impressed.
The New York Times called the award show “incurably dull” and the parade of dresses “spectacularly bland.” It seems dress makers have an excess of fabric. Extra bits ended up on shoulders, necks, trains. Her royal highness Gwyneth Paltrow wore a full-length cape. The Times joked Emma Stone’s “goiter-size raspberry bow tied to her neck” must be hiding a hickey. Even Angelina Jolie, whose “leg bombing” photos are now making the internet rounds, seemed swaddled in weirdly sculptural bolts of material, save for her one very naked leg.
All this is to say, you are on your own. It’s time for a fashion overthrow, which may have been at least part of the point of Sacha Baron Cohen‘s ash-assault on Ryan Seacrest. Once plagued with fears of being out of touch in a down economy, the Oscars are now just out of touch period—the fashion, the jokes, the Gwyneth Paltrow. We’re looking to you, ladies of the world, for fashion inspiration.