So. There’s this part of me that thinks I could pull off a Fringe Festival act. How about a one woman show on a kitchen stage where I cook actual food while monologuing about all the crap that I’ve burned and all the feasts that I’ve flopped over the years. By the end of the show, everyone’s expectations would be so low, that I could probably stun them with a nice tomato soup. Hopefully there’d be more applause than throwing of cauliflower, but you never know. Until then, I’ll just keep being a patron I think. Here are my picks for some fringey love for the food set.

Amaretti Angels . . . Jenny and Mike meet at an Italian restaurant. Amidst snarky waitresses, witty banter, discovery and regret, someone will invariably be struck by a server wielding a giant peppermill.

Eat My Zombie Shorts . . . C’mon, zombies gotta eat too.

Fartosaurus Rex . . . Hey kids! Want to know what happens when the king of carnivores goes all vegetarian? It’s all about food, friends, and flatulence. What’s not to love?

Green as Grass . . . Wisconsin girl Mandy leaves the farm to work in a downtown Minneapolis diner. It’s a Newbie-In-The-City story complete with archetypal diner characters: cops, hookers, and pie.

Happy Sauce . . . Rudolph Happy invents the magic sauce of dreams, one that is so supremely tasty that it will set him up for life. But then his roommate drops dead from one taste. Whoops.

In the Weeds . . . “Welcome back to Ruby Fridays. We’re glad you’re here. Really.” Um, server rant anyone?

Table for Two . . . “Where the secret to a perfect date is as easy as ordering a red wine and a white lie”. Or in my case, five red wines, a scotch, some karaoke, and a greyish lie.

The Crock Pot . . . My TOP PICK! Scandal, crafts, and baked goods at the Scande-Lutheran hobby fair? Plus a young pastor with a sketchy past? Sign. Me. Up.