If you’re not hosting the Great Feast next week, maybe you should peruse Open Table’s list of Thanksgiving-friendly restaurants and grab your perfect circle of friends for a mess-free night out.

What would my perfect Thanksgiving table look like? Who would be seated among my relatives, swaying the conversation away from scintillating topics such as my father-in-law’s last surgery, my sister’s overachieving child, my aunt’s upcoming community theater debut? If I could have anybody, dead or alive, here’s who’d be eating my Brussels sprouts:

Tim Gunn: Because he could say all the things that I’ve wanted to say to my rellies but with more style and less snark (including the fact that we don’t wear sweatshirts to a formal dinner, ahem).

Ben Franklin: That guy can drink.

Gordon Ramsay: Every table needs a blue streak, plus I really feel that he wouldn’t hate my food.

Teddy Roosevelt: So my husband can have someone on his side.

Dorothy Parker: She and I would be sitting together and making HI-larious comments about everyone under our breath.

Buddha: He could just clear his throat and the table would be calm and at peace, I just know it.

Britney: She needs friends, someone needs to feed her some real food.

Who makes up your top seven?