Norm, Screw the Lawyers. Hold a Press Conference.

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December 21, 2008, 9:03 PM

By Brian Lambert

[UPDATED];

It can't be fun being Norm Coleman these days. If the endless recount weren't enough, with an increasing likelihood that he'll lose twice in ten years to a "gimmick candidate" (first Jesse Ventura and now Al Franken), this business(es) with good buddy Nasser Kazeminy is getting murkier and more expensive by the minute, and that's not good for guy described as "the fourth-poorest U.S. Senator."

Last week, Tom Lyden of Fox 9 put together a cost overrun of roughly $80,000 on a very handsome renovation of Coleman's St. Paul house with the timing of the $75,000 Coleman's wife, Laurie, got via an associate of Kazeminy and her insurance business. Lyden conceded he had no smoking gun. But the timing and the similarity of the numbers is curious. It was one of those, "I'm not sayin'. I'm just sayin'" moments.

Since the mysterious $75k kicked up in the final week of the campaign, Coleman's official position is that this is a scurrilous, politically motivated attack . . . never mind that the Franken campaign (nobody's idea of the slickest operation in town) expressed a convincing level of surprise when the news broke and no one, as yet, has even come up with a good theory about how Franken--or even some super-slick superspook at the DNC--got a good old boy Texas Republican to sue FON Kazeminy and dribble out the story of him floating cash to Mrs. Norm.

Nevertheless, based on his assertion that the suit is politically motivated, cash-strapped Coleman is tapping his campaign finances to hire every big-name, heavy-billing attorney in the state. The poor guy's money problems are out of control. Starting with taking a sleeping room in a property robo-call tycoon Jeff Larson owns in D.C. to dodging questions about Kazeminy buying his clothes (here is arguably the 2008's worst press conference moment) to a renovation job close to equal to the total value of his house (Norm is now underwater on the place like many of his constituents) to stretching the letter of campaign finance law to pay a lot of top-rank legal firepower, Norm has the look of one of those forlorn characters you see in late-night TV ads for spendaholics in credit counseling.

Suddenly I don't feel so bad fighting with CitiBank over the way the bastards try to game my Visa card rate.

I will not pretend I'm the first to offer Coleman this advice, but taking him at his word that the charges regarding wife Laurie and the Texan are preposterous and that absolutely everything Kazeminy and other friends have done for him have been above board and suitable for exposing to mothers and young children in full daylight, I would think Coleman could save himself one hell of a lot of money by calling in Lyden, Kessler, Hauser, Brunswick and the rest of the usual suspects and asking, "OK, what do you want to know?"

I may be wrong, but the general sense I got from the "dorm room" in Kazeminy's D.C. basement story is that it did Coleman no harm at all. It might even have warmed the public to him a bit. I mean, "our guy in the most exclusive club on earth" isn't living the manor life like, you know, John Kerry. He's bunking like a grad student. That's almost . . . Joe the Plumber-like. By extension, Coleman summoning in the jackals and letting them discern his (and his wife's) innocence stands a good chance of winning him more public sympathy.

That assumes, of course, that he and the Mrs. are innocent and there's no fire beneath all this smoke. Obviously, you don't want to invite the press bastards in--or talk to them at all--if you've got anything to hide.

But if Coleman is an honest man suffering baseless accusations, he could stop the clock on Earl Grey, Joe Friedberg, and the others and feed the press enough that they'd go off in search of "the real killers," as O. J. used to say. Talk about a win-win. No staggering legal costs and someone else goes and does the grunt work of figuring out who's spreading outrageous lies about you and your darling wife.

What bothers me, though, is that Coleman seems to be moving away from a simple public display of innocence. As Lyden (and others) will tell you, "Coleman has disappeared." Requests for interviews are either ignored or declined. Everything is now legalized, and when that happens, the first victim is invariably the truth.

The second victim is the reputation of the guy who supposedly has nothing to hide.

The third victim is that guy's bank account.

Comments

Ran into Norm at the Wild game last Friday...he was in great spirits...He laughed and grabbed for my ticket when I held it up and told him it was a ballot I found stuck under my seat at the Liffey.

Posted by: bertram jr on December 22, 2008 at 9:14 AM

I'm probably (more than likely) out-of-date on Norm's home life but doesn't Laurie live in LA? But that doesn't make sense if they just did a major renovation. And what about that hairdryer business?

LAMBERT: I believe the renovation was planned in preparation for the Mrs. returning to Minnesota.

Posted by: momkat on December 22, 2008 at 10:44 AM

If I am not mistaken, the apartment in DC is actually owned by Jeff Larson, another of Norm's sugar daddies, who, also is the one famed for purchasing the $150,000 wardrobe for Sarah Palin.

LAMBERT: Oops. My bad. I'll correct that.

Posted by: Morris Day on December 22, 2008 at 11:08 AM

I wouldn't put your money against Norm just yet.
However I am pleased to see you concede Franken as a "gimmick" candidate.

LAMBERT: A "gimmick" in the eyes of garden variety Republicans. Unlike Ventura, Franken can talk policy nuance with the best of them.

Posted by: Namzso on December 22, 2008 at 11:10 AM

Uh, we'd like to see where B. Hussein's campaign "contributions" came from. The millions upon millions.

And any day now, maybe his ties to Blago will be revealed? Huh, so much for that "hopey changey" transparency!

But by all means, keep telling us that Stuart Smalley aka "The Porn Chuckler" (tm) is a better man than Norman. After all, he's done...what?

He ain't.

LAMBERT: I keep asking you how that certainty you expressed about "Guatemalan illegals" starting the '07 California wildfires worked out? Or have you moved on to Obama's birth certificate?

Posted by: bertram jr on December 22, 2008 at 12:41 PM

Al may be able to parrot the Democrat party's talking points better than Ventura, but it was not just the Republicans who thought the failed (fill in the blank of your choice) Franken was a gimmick.

LAMBERT: Of course almost all of them would dearly love to have "failed" as badly as you think Franken did at comedy, movies, radio, whatever.

Posted by: Namzso on December 22, 2008 at 12:51 PM

For the record, Jeff Larson is neither a sugar daddy or a tycoon. He raises money for the RNC, among other things, and is a working stiff like most of us. I'm no Repub but how bout we work with some facts, fellas?

LAMBERT: On the "sugar daddy" charge, only Larson and Coleman can say for sure. But appearances have a way of creating lives of their own. I plead guilty to excess glibness on the "tycoon" business, but Larson has a standing among the robo-calling crowd that makes him more interesting than just a money-raiser. NOT THAT THAT IS ILLEGAL. Would you settle for, "robo-call entrepreneur"?

Posted by: gary on December 22, 2008 at 1:54 PM

Franken is a true gimmick candidate. He has little connection to Minnesota and no real experience with what he is running for. I would say that regardless of the party he ran under.

Coleman could have run against a bowl of Jello and lost. Norm lacks an real beliefs, he is the true politician. Add the Bush disaster and I'm surprised the election remains a toss-up.

LAMBERT: I use the word "gimmick" only in the sense that that might be the way Team Coleman looks at his situation. Lack of government experience aside -- a significant "aside" is most instances, but most relevant to Franken in his difficulty in laying down the "schmooze" as consistently as a professional politician usually has to to survive the game -- Franken is a smart guy. He's a student of policy and a bona fide, guaranteed progressive vote come crunch time. Which, frankly is all I want in the guy I vote for. (I don't care if he doesn't grasp my arm with both hands and ask how the wife and kids are.)

Posted by: Dave on December 22, 2008 at 5:11 PM

Bertram Jr wishes you all a Merry Christmas!

He also finds it amusing that Obama will "release" the Blago records THE NIGHT BEFORE XMAS EVE!

Way to beat the news cycle - O Transparent One!

LAMBERT: All is not lost. I got 80% off on your lump of coal.

Posted by: bertam jr on December 23, 2008 at 3:08 PM

All these stupid lawsuits being filed all the time i mean dumb lawsuits over some dumb reason like the jerk who pigged out at McDonalds and Burger King and then tried to blame them for his own carless behavior

Posted by: Flu-Bird on May 16, 2009 at 12:23 AM