The Winner, and The New More Kersten Than Thou
By Brian Lambert
We have a winner in our (possibly first annual) "Can You Out Kersten-Kersten Contest".
Charlie Quimby, well-known local wordsmith, agreed to be identified and issued the following statement:
"My slim victory points up the dilemma that Al Franken faces as a satirist trying to communicate to Minnesotans about Norm Coleman. Does he go for the head-on attack, the salacious satire or the almost-loving parody?"
If this contest is any indication, he's slightly better off with door number three.
I must also thank Katherine Kersten for making this all possible. I'm not sure I out-Kerstened the master/mistress. I just wrote about a subject she hasn't covered yet with all the Kersteness at my disposal."
The voting—with its suspicions of "irregularities"—was subjected to intense examination. We thought of flying Jimmy Carter in but eventually decided we could handle the recount over beers at Grumpy's.
Mr. Quimby, and perhaps his entourage, will soon be enjoying a $100 gift certificate at r.Norman's, on 7th and Hennepin. We thank him and all who took part. As Quimby suggests, it may not be possible to truly outdo a master, but many tried and several came close enough to set off neurological spasms in our judges.
The three finalists' entries are posted under "I Couldn't Have Said It Better," to the right.
© 2008 MSP Communications, Inc. All rights reserved
When is the out Coleman, Nick Coleman contest?
LAMBERT: I believe 108 submitted. See if Mitch Berg or Brodkorb are offering money.
Posted by: Namzso (Tom O) on September 9, 2008 at 10:35 PM
Congrats Charlie - your librarian will be FIRED!
Why are librarians such easy targets for extremists? Is it the comfort shoes?
LAMBERT: Hush Puppies = anarchist.
Posted by: Robb on September 10, 2008 at 8:34 AM
My piece was in fact strikingly prescient.
Posted by: 108 on September 10, 2008 at 11:09 AM
Which of the three did the winner write?
LAMBERT: Sorry, Mr. Quimby wrote the one I've titled "Katy and the Dinosaur"
Posted by: frogster on September 10, 2008 at 5:13 PM
Top 10 Reasons McCain Lost The Second Debate:
1. Again, he did not hit a home-run. He still doesn't get that America is more informed than ever before yet he continues to attack Obama (almost every time he held the mic, I counted).
2. McCain neglected to answer many of the questions he was asked and strayed off the subject matter.
3. Maverick to miserable, John McCain insulted Tom Brokaw by telling him that he would not be considered for the position of Secretary of Treasury. Then he mentioned Meg Whitman, CEO of eBay. Personally I used to make my living on eBay until she raised prices and fired key staff. eBay has tanked because of her.
4. "That One" was disrespectful and showed the audience his contempt for Obama.
5. When the debate was over, McCain refused a handshake from Obama.
6. McCain and wife left the debate almost immediately after it was over, not caring enough about the attendees to stay and shake a few hands. Michelle Obama asked if they could stay a bit longer to answer the eager voters' questions.
7. "On the job training" occurs with every new Presidential candidate. McCain, were you President before? Let me know, I may be too young or not yet born so I may be unaware. If so, you cannot serve again, just to let you know.
8. Palin is a poor choice and shows your "steady hand" isn't so steady. Get ahold of her, she isn't helping you! Haven't you seen SNL?
9. Don't try to claim the 300 billion bailout plan is YOURS. It's already part of the bailout and has been signed in to law.
10. Spending freeze, voting against child health care initiative, dropping the mic from one hand to the next EVERY time you stop talking (YUK), and your stiff, angry presence on the stage comes across, no matter which format the debate takes. Retire already! Go yell at the kids to stay off your lawn!
Posted by: Sharon Jenson on October 8, 2008 at 10:39 AM