Amid all the flame throwing last week between the Star Tribune and MinnPost were repeated reminders that the state's biggest newspaper/biggest news operation has also abandoned its ombudsman, AKA "Readers' Rep."

For awhile, the paper did have a full-time staffer apparently taking calls and e-mails from curious-to-outraged readers wondering what in the hell is in the water over there. But not long after Par Ridder deep-sixed the sweet old ladies at the switchboard in favor of an automated system that only occasionally pronounces names correctly (quick, get me "Kristin Ti-LOTT-son"), the "Readers' Rep" also disappeared, reassigned into the bureaucratic depths.

Not that the former "Readers' Rep" ever agreed with any criticism of Strib owners, editors, or writers mind you. (Can you say, "Big time taboo?") In her view, everyone in the building, especially those above her in the pecking order, were always and only doing "great journalism" and making "tough decisions" under "trying conditions." But at least the gun-stroking nut cases in their Medina enclaves had a number to call to complain about "Withering Glance."

Since nature abhors a vacuum, the tough work of handling questions about Star Tribune decision making was outsourced . . . not to India such as other departments but to the Dry Dock bar in rural Superior, Wisc., where Randy, a lightly employed septic-tank cleaner and part-time bear-hunting guide agreed to take on the job.

OK, full disclosure, I have to pay him. A running tab for four dozen Keystone Lights and no more than a half dozen of Ron's Famous Dago Burgers a week is probably more than the switchboard ladies were getting, but so far, the bookkeepers here at the magazine haven't challenged the expense.

Let's get to the mailbag.

QUESTION:  Randy, the Strib doesn't look too good in this business about offshore oil drilling. I mean, the hedge fund pirates at Avista may be a pack of shadowy vampires, but they aren't exactly General Electric. If 20 percent of their fortunes are tied up in offshore drilling, don't you think the paper should tell us that when they suddenly decide oil drilling on Sanibel is the way to go?

RANDY: This whole thing is a crock of monumental crapola. Do you think anyone at Avista is paying any attention to what's in the goddam paper? Wake up! I mean, have you ever seen one of these Avista "partners?" Kee-rist! Even their tighty whities are sewn out of silk. Do you think any of them have ever been on an oil rig? I guarantee you the only oil they've ever touched is sunblock. They're traders, dude.  This stuff is all numbers. And I mean look, judging by their play on this newspaper thing, you gotta figure they're looking at nothing but dry holes in Florida, too. Lighten up. They ain't pushing nobody to say nothin'.

QUESTION: Randy, now that they've sacked that other Readers' Rep, my new favorite column is Nancy Barnes's Sunday thingie. I noticed this morning that she was patting herself on the back for letting readers post comments on news stories. WooHooo! That girl is getting freaky with the Internet, I tell you. What next? ReusseCam? So we can watch Patrick watch batting practice and file an expense report? But the thing that got me is how she's trying to sell the idea that the paper is better off now because, "Before, the only way readers could respond to something they read was to write a letter or call us." Uh, yeah. But then they reassigned the person who got the mail and fired those friendly old gals who answered the phones. When I'm pissed off at something that commie bastard Nick Coleman writes, I want to talk to someone at the paper, not some numb-nuts troll. No offense, man.

RANDY: Yeah, yeah, yeah. The comments thing isn't exactly breakthrough stuff. I mean, I'm on SludgeSucker.com, the website of the Association of Northeast Wisconsin Sewage and Methane Collectors and Redistributors, most of the day talkin' disposal issues. I know how that "comments" game goes. There are some real idiots out there. You would not believe the drafty attics in the deregulated septic business. But what's Barnes supposed to do? Answer her own mail and phone? Get a clue, pal. Do you know what that'd be like? From her point of view, this "comments" thing is a sweet deal. The cranks and trolls can talk to each other. She never has to get involved. She can devote every minute to sweet-talking that Jelly Hall guy down in Miami. I'm telling you, she'll need a high-power back-flushing if she has to spend another winter in Minnesota.

QUESTION: Randy, I read the same thing. Barnes says they've got a part-time person "whose job entails deleting comments that don't pass community standards." I got two questions: Does that person have to read Kersten's column? And two, what do you figure a gig like that pays?

RANDY: This is how that rolls. Kersten puts a few dozen thoughts . . . okay, words . . . on her computer. Then the "raw" column is sent over to those lawyer boys at Power Line. They touch it up, add a couple "therefores," work in a little "towel-head this" and "eco-Mom that," and kick it back. It's called community outsourcing. Saves a ton of dough on the copy desk. Word is the Strib is paying 100 an hour for that job. That's rupees, of course, which are kind of like money. Let me see . . . carry the four . . . damn! You can get forty-two of those pups for a buck. I am in the wrong business.

QUESTION: Randy, my man. How's it hangin'? Listen, that last Barnes column really was a kick in the ass. She's on a roll. I loved the way she kept talking about get "rollicking." Damn, I love it when chicks talk like that. But she mentioned that the local crime stories they ran "spawned ugly, racial hate-mongering comments aimed at a wide variety of minority and ethnic groups." I'd like to know a little more about who exactly gets into nasty, ugly stuff like that? I mean, I know that in big-time newspapering, both sides are always equally guilty. Always fifty-fifty. But this smells like another Liberals Gone Wild thing, if you ask me. That crowd is nothing but a bunch of sickos.

RANDY: I tried to get some more info on that one, but Barnes wouldn't take my call or answer an e-mail. (I think they're blocking SludgeSucker.) Although, you know she actually picked up when I left a message that started, "Ms. Barnes I just wanted to say how much I admire you, and I want to compliment you on the courageous decisions you've made on behalf of our community." I swear to God, she actually came on the line. Sounded damned friendly, too. But when I told her I had a question, she hung up. So I don't know what to say on that one, whether it's the Liberals going bat shit again, or hell, far-fetched as it seems, a couple patriotic ditto heads with a little too much Rebel Yell under their belts. All I know is I never see any Liberals down at Superior Speedway, and the only crime we got there is the price of gas. So you do the math.