Readers of this blog in its former incarnation will recall occasional check-ins with Randy, the Star Tribune's readers' rep. In the wake of one of last year's semi-monthly purges, belt tightenings, and outsourcings at the once-venerable paper (among them the demotion of their previous readers' rep), Randy, a semi-employed septic system maintenance engineer and seasonal bear-hunting guide officing most afternoons out of the Dry Dock Tavern in rural Chaffey, Wisconsin, was hired at $12/hour to answer reader questions both about stories appearing (or not appearing) in the Star Tribune as well as baseless gossip involving Minnesota's largest news organization.

Out of respect for his devotion to ice fishing, replacing the blown motor on his '97 Ski-Doo, and tolerating his wife's demand that he put up another cord of firewood, we haven't bothered Randy as much lately. But mail has accumulated. So we checked in this morning.

Suspicious in Shakopee asks:

"Randy, I see that the Star Tribune is now laying off another fifty-eight people, a bunch in circulation. And according to the publisher, Chris Harte, in a very long, windy e-mail he sent to his staff yesterday, the situation down there just keeps looking grimmer and grimmer. So I have two questions for you: One, are they really going to use machinery to replace these circulation people? Like what? Those Roomba things that bounce around off walls until they eventually vacuum the whole floor?

And, two, when Mr. Harte says:

'Salaries of senior executives—my direct reports and me—were frozen last month.'

Is this the same thing as saying that prior to last month neither he nor any of his, uh, 'direct reports,' received any kind of salary increase or bonus for supervising the cuts, layoffs, outsourcing, etc., that took place last year?

I remember hearing talk that St. Paul Pioneer Press editors, 'direct reports' to then-publisher Par Ridder, received nice, five-figure bonuses for overseeing cost cutting over there a few years back. Knowing that skeptical b****rds like newspaper employees will always assume their bosses are taking dough to lay them off or suck the last vestiges of dignity out of their jobs Harte and his "direct reports" wouldn't be so stupid as to hide bonuses or deny them . . . would they?"

Randy, the Strib readers' rep replies:  "First off, Suspicious, if that's your real name, I don't know if I like your tone. The current owners of the Star Tribune care a lot. And if they think a fleet of circulation Roombas will do a better job than some people who are probably always bellyaching about having to kiss up to whiny customers, then that's a good thing. Up here, we call it progress. It's the same as riding an ATV instead of slogging all over hell and getting your boots filthy. It's the twenty-first century last time I checked. Machines do a lot of things people used to do. Hell, I've got a calculator in my glove compartment for when I go down to Hole in the Wall. YOU try tracking pull tabs on your fingers sometime.

As for this business of the top dogs getting bonuses for making life miserable for everyone else. Now THAT is some kind of sick mind you've got. When I took this job, I was told—straight to my face—that the boss types down there are 'brave' and 'courageous' and are always making 'tough decisions.' And I don't care if they were the ones saying this. The fact is, times are tough. Everyone's gotta' cut back. Me, I'm laying off the Michelob and switching to Keystone until Bush's rebate check gets here in May.

But if—and I say IF because brave, courageous people don't need money waggling in their faces to make tough decisions—but IF they did, well hell, they earned it, right? They're the ones taking the flack. How would you like to be the guy telling Reusse there's no money left to cover the Masters this year? Christ, get out of that blast zone.

But, I doubt there were any bonuses. I mean, come on, somebody'd find out. Then you can just imagine the caterwauling."

Teflon Tim from Eagan asks:  "Don't you agree it was reckless and rash to call for Lt. Governor Carol Molnau's resignation as the Star Tribune did a few days ago? After all, the National Transportation Safety Board has practically exonerated her with that gusset plate stuff a few weeks back. I know your paper thinks if they pile on this woman long and hard enough, they'll win a couple prizes and be big swinging [bleeps] with their fellow reporters. But isn't it time to play fair? Besides, if Molnau goes away right now, just as the legislative session starts and McCain starts looking for a vice-president, aren't your hired shivs just going to start taking more shots at our young, good-looking, well-spoken, unimpeachably conservative Governor? (Sorry, bad choice of words there.)"

Randy, the Strib readers' rep replies: "Damn straight, I do. I wasn't one bit pleased when I saw that. Lord, what does that gal have to do to catch a break? I mean, she's already got those two pricks, Kennedy and McEnroe, hammering on her like my pal Al beating dents out of his bumper, and then despite all those calls from what's-his-name, the pretty boy, telling the big bosses at the paper to dial it back on this new tax and bad inspection BS, the editorialers go ahead and rip her the big one anyway. It ain't fair, and I'm saying so right out there where you can like it or not.

I'm with you, bro. What is so tough about cooling your jets for a few months? You yank Molnau out of the way, and the next thing you know, you've got every crazy-ass sport plinker in town taking shots and scuffing up The Man right when all those boozed-up, big-spending Republicans are rolling in.

What comes over people? I mean, are the rich bear hunters who come up here every fall from Milwaukee a bunch of lame-ass dorks? Sure. But I wait until I've got their money and they're on the road home to say so out loud."